Dutch the devil cat

Dutch is now closing in on 13 weeks (this has got to be the "Terrible Twos" stage, right?!) and from what my family has been experiencing, we might as well say that our sweet little kitten is now the devil incatnate. Seriously.

Although most of the time he is still a cute little fluff ball (who is growing at alarming rates!), he sure as hell has his moments.

I'm not regretting my decision to add another fur baby (I've mentioned before how I never wanted to be that person who uses the term "fur baby", right? Don't judge me!) into our family, but I am seriously needing some kitten rearing advice! I've had kittens before, but this is the first who is this mean. This momma cat needs help!

Dutch gets more and more feisty each day. He bites/claws/scratches and attacks anything that moves... while I understand a cat's desire to play and hunt moving things, I am tired of getting kitty teeth/claws stuck in body parts. We are all covered head-to-toe in scratches, and Braeden has already had a few melt downs because he is convinced the cat is against him, and hurts him because he doesn't like Braeden (because kittens have motives, you know?).
I'm pretty dead set on declawing his front paws, but in the back of my mind I can't help thinking how mean that would be. Ryan likes to argue that one day when he is an "outside cat" he will need those claws... I like to remind him that Dutch will not be an "outdoor cat".
* Ryan grew up with only outdoor cats. I grew up with only indoor cats. We both think we're right in this argument...

Besides the cat thinking we are human scratching posts, he is also completely obsessed with food! I've never seen a cat act this way... it's like having another Lennie pup only worse, and untrainable!
A couple of my cats growing up liked dairy, another really liked brined foods (olives, pickles, tuna fish water), but they never begged or were as relentless in scoring a treat like Dutch is.
Every morning, when we feed Lennie, Dutch races to the dog dish for whatever morsel of food he can sneak away from the dog... every time I open the fridge, Dutch literally hurls himself into it, and then will try to hide from you if you attempt to remove him! He relentlessly tries to eat food right off your plate/out of your hand, and when you scold him, remove him or spray him with water he is immediately back where he was 5 seconds prior! Gah!

I got lots of great advice on Facebook regarding ideas for discipline, exercise, food, (my personal favorite?) getting another kitten for Dutch to play with hehe.
I will attempt anything at this point, because for as fast as Dutch is growing, I can't imagine him acting this way in a couple of months when he's double triple his size (remember he's supposed to fill those "Double Dutch" shoes!)!
Last night in bed, as Ryan and I were both being terrorized by le kitteh, we were teasing each other that pretty soon we'd have to dress in full leather... and shield each other from the cat when he is 15 lbs and hurling his adult body, claws/teeth and all at our faces as we sleep.
Problem is, I don't think we were joking as much as we were serious... I'm scared! Ryan too!

Having said all that, please take a look at my sweet Dutch boy, because despite what I say, he's not always trouble... just most of the time!

Silly kitten, love how he sleeps!

Here's Dutch, as I mentioned before, he tries to eat Lennie's food. We now have to hold him while Lennie scarfs down his food... 

Aww! Kitten thinks he's a pup!

Braeden has requested the cat doesn't sleep with him anymore... Dutch likes to play with his face and wake him up in the middle of the night (Ignore the mattress sans sheets. Laundry day!).

 So sweet when he's unconscious! HA!

On the left: innocent pet fish, enjoying a swim

On the right: adventurous devious kitten, about to take a leap to the fish tank

Thank goodness he couldn't jump that far... yet!

In the morning when I shower, Dutch sits next to the tub and meow, meow, meows until I get out. It's like having a crying infant all over again! 2 minute shower GO!

Here's Dutch in the fridge, hiding behind the salad bowl... is it animal cruelty to shut him in the fridge for a minute?? Think it would deter him from jumping in again?

My favorite photo from this week :)

Lennie and Dutch, spooning. I laugh every time I see this.

This is NOT Dutch (and that is NOT my pipe!), I found it on EPICFAIL but couldn't help but see the resemblance between this kitten and Dutch. It's uncanny! Also, they both try to steal drinks!

Any advice on kitty parenting is greatly appreciated!